Ruthie, my helpmate, my comforter, my counselor and proofreader is gone. You may find some of the words on my letters a little bit “Ruthless”. Before Ruthie came into my life I was Ruth-less off course and now that she is gone I am Ruth-less again.

The anesthesia of twenty years of preparation by the shadow of cancer seems to be wearing out. I had to be strong for the Family. We all were together when Ruthie departed to be with the Lord. But now that all my children have returned back to their own homes, I have discovered to my surprise that I have never been alone in a house. I don’t like it one little bit, this is uncharted waters for me. It is no easy to say the least.

But I who have preached to others that Jesus is enough, that he is all sufficient and that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me I am holding my own messages as a mirror and finding true that Jesus is enough but still hurting. The Natural Man within me still misses Ruthie’s loving looks, her gentle voice, her delicate “Ombrerose Le Paris” smell, her soft skin and her sweet little kisses. The Carnal Man in me at times resents Ruthie for delaying to return to me as if it were possible. Other times I feel lonely. Most of the time I feel comforted in the fact that she does not hurt anymore in the body. But my real comfort is not that cancer is over, not even that pain and tears are no more. No. The things that comfort me the most is that her name is written in the Book of Life and I can say by grace and without a doubt and with the outmost confidence and conviction and security in the work of atonement accomplished by Jesus on the cross for Ruthie, that Ruthie is with “Our Father in Heaven”. Ruthie sought throughout her life the Kingdom of God and his righteousness and now all other things are “being added unto Her.” I miss my dear friend and wife, but I am proud to have had her as my wife till death did us part.

The spiritual man within me loved Ruthie with Agape Love and was willfully committed to her and her alone. Now that she is gone, I can say to my own surprise that:

• What has happened to us was nothing but the perfect will of God.
• We found freedom by agreeing with God and His will in prayer.
• His loving will prevailed in our lives as it is done in Heaven.
• God does all things well therefore it is well with my soul.
• Ruthie left not a minute early, to arrive home not a minute late.
• Ruthie finished the race, kept the faith and she loved life in Jesus.
• She is in her Sabbath rest forever and rejoicing in her gains.

As for me, men call me blessed because of Ruthie: “A women of a class of her own”. Our children have thanked me for choosing her as my wife and their mother. Our friends have made me proud speaking of Ruthie as a Legend and as a woman second to none in story telling. I know Ruthie the best, only second to God and I agree with these words to my own honor gratefully and humbly.

I will rejoice and be glad contrary to the world’s expectations. She cannot come back and see me again but I am going to where she is and I will see her again. Yes I will see her again! May the Lord be praise!

For forty years my eyes were over Ruthie and my ears attentive to her needs and wants. It’s been an honor and privilege to love her and serve her the best I knew how even though I could have done better. My job to take care of her has come to an abrupt halt and what is unique is that I have stopped being concerned for Ruthie. It is only proper if we truly trust in God as Our Father in Heaven. How could I worry for Ruthie even for a second and be right? When life minus Ruthie was imminent I asked my wife how my Ruth-less life would be? She said: “You will have more time for your Lord, my love.” That has been the case. I am not the same man.

I love my children and the elect more intensely than ever before but interestingly enough I can find faults in people more easily than before. The difference is that I do not remember their sins against them but love them because of and in spite of their sins, as forgiven men should always strive to love those who sin against them. Pray that my Ruth-less life will never make me a merciless man. Pray that I may be as gentle and meek as Jesús and my Ruthie

A word from Ruthie to my “important friends”:

• She use to say: “It is nice to be important, but it is more important to be nice.” This is true as long as you do not sacrifice principle for the sake of being nice. Let people remember Jesus because of you, but never allow Jesus to be forgotten and you to be remembered.
• You must never consciously or involuntarily want to compete with Jesus for praise or credit on the basis of niceness.
• God is a jealous God and he visits the sins of the fathers and the sons to the third and fourth generation.
• Let any curse in our lives end in our generation. Let us never blame God for our circumstances by quoting the old Proverb. “The parents eat sour grapes and the children’s teeth are set on edge.” NO!
• The father will not die for the sins of the son nor the son for the sins of the father. Everyone will die for his or her own sins.

I want to thank you for standing with me through this time of pain. You have stood around me in a circle like those African giant Buffalos licking our wounds as if you yourself were wounded with us; while lions and hyenas roamed around the circle of protection attracted by the smell of our blood pouring from our wounds.

Pray that I put my house and the house of the Lord entrusted to me in order and hurry home where Jesus and Ruthie are waiting for me.

My sleepless nights are over. Sweet sleep has returned. Thank the Lord with me. Pray for God’s perfect will for the balance of my life. Though I do not know the specifics of it; I have already said “YES LORD”

Gerry Gutierrez
The Ruth-less.