June 2, 2007

It’s been 16 years since my Ruthie has been battling cancer. The first time I heard of her cancer was the third time in my life that I wept from deep within my heart. During these past 16 years I’ve become convinced that Ruthie is not the dying-kind of woman.

But lately the memories of the dozens of times I have been in the recovery rooms of hospitals in three different countries with Ruthie has shaken my confidence in her indestructibility…but has caused me to discover that I am madly in love with this girl. I cannot imagine life without her. She is so perfect for me…so beautiful, so graceful and feminine. I find myself writing poems in the wee hours of the morning in order to read them to encourage her during the day. Then we get “shook up” as we hear ourselves reading these poems, and we weep a little.

She still contradicts me more often than I can bear. So I am happy when she says she is going away for two days to visit our daughter in the next town, which is an hour away. But as soon as the gate closes behind her, I am already missing her. I wish I was going with her to talk on the way and to take care of her... Though I enjoy the quietness and being alone, the hours pass very slowly and the “night fall” is not the same without her sweet presence. I can’t wait for her return!

I know that I love my Ruthie!

But I refuse anyone defining love for me. I can accept some description of love…but don’t tell me what love is! It is like life. It is a mystery. It is beautiful. I have it. I know it…but cannot describe it fully. It is like nature. Someone said, “It is easier to understand it than to describe it to others.”

It is past midnight. My Ruthie is sleeping now. She went to bed with a smile. She went to bed knowing that she is loved. She went to bed with a kiss. Yes! She went to bed with a smile!

I smile as I write this line…just thinking I will have breakfast with my sweetheart. Knowing myself, and knowing my friends, I would think that this kind of writing should make me feel silly and embarrassed…but I am not! Love at 60 seems to have more of that which God is made of than the best of what man thinks love is made of. “God is love!”

It’s no longer love around my wants and needs. It is around her wants and needs. To see her needs being satisfied is what gives me pleasure.

Don’t think me right. It wasn’t always like that, nor did it come naturally. It happened one day as I was struggling with the mind of Christ for me and my wife when God seemed to be answering faster than my questions were being formed. I said, “Lord, I cannot love her as you want me to. And the Lord seemed to answer, “I have chosen you to love her in my stead.

“Let me love her through you”

LOVE HER

“Love her, I cannot, you say.
“But I am asking you to love her”
“Love her, because she needs to be loved”
“Love her, because she is weak”
“Love her, because she is strong”
“Love her, because she is imperfect”
“Love her, because she is perfect”
“Love her, because she is beautiful”
“Love her, because she is small”
“Love her, because she is fragile”
“Love her, because she is tender”
“Love her, because she is hard”
“Love her, because she is tired”
“Love her, because she is sick”
“Love her, because she is fun”
“Love her, because she is who she is.”
“Love her, because I gave her to you.”
“Love her, because she is yours.”
“Love her, because she is mine.”
“Love her, because you promised to?”

Would you love her for the sake of your children?
Would you love her for the sake of your church?
Would you lover her for the sake of other men?
Would you love her for the sake of other women?
Would you love her for the sake of your society?
Would you love her for the sake of the Kingdom?
Would you love her for the sake of the angels?
Would you love her for the sake of heaven?

I know you say, “I cannot love her as you want me to.” But, will you do it for me?

Then, and only then…all power and authority in heaven and earth dwelling within me says a sounding “Amen!” Yes, Lord, oh yes, Lord. I will love her. I will love her, and I would give my life for her. Thank you Lord, for giving her to me. Thank you Jesus, thank you, Jesus. Forgive me for your having to ask me to love her.

Gerry Gutierrez.

P.S. Please praise the Lord with us on the fact the tomorrow I will baptize 24 people in the church. There way five new professions of faith this past week.